By: Nicole Marshall
This is not a resolution. This is a promise I am making to myself in this divine thing called a universe.
I will take time for myself.
I will take time for others.
I will teach and teach till my heart is full.
I will practice peace and inhabit love.
I will celebrate you as I celebrate myself.
I will learn to live and love… again in whatever capacity you deliver it to me.
I will drive just to drive.
I will take more road-trips just to enjoy the beauty you’ve created.
I will pick up the paintbrush again I will let it paint the pictures of beauty that you show me.
I will explore my world.
I will make more time for my loved ones.
I will embark to hidden far off lands.
I will write and express who I am not only with my actions but with my words starting now:
Sometimes even though it doesn’t make sense our lives need to be completely turned upside down to make us feel whole. The past couple of years for me have honestly been really dark and I questioned whether or not I would survive it.
I’m realizing that as adults we make a lot of mistakes. More often than not we even more bridges. I as a person I used to dwell on that so much; I used to beat myself up for those things. I used to think that because of my ‘disorders’ that I would never be normal so o created a world where burning bridges metaphorically was my normal. I’d tell myself the fire in my eyes was abnormal.
May the Bridges I Burn Light the Way
Piece of advice: don’t ever create a world for yourself where certain abnormalities make it impossible for you to be who you are. Listen sometime you need to burn bridges, to cut your losses, to realize that some people are toxic or that you may even be toxic to some people. THAT IS OKAY!!! In my twenties (pre-yogi) I worried constantly about what people thought of me or how I could make people like me. I didn’t even think I would be alive at 30….
Approaching 35 as a practicing yogi and yoga teacher I know how scary that thought is. For me those bridges where not just people; they were suicidal and very dark thoughts. Things I thought I’d never escape.
I HAD to burn my bridges and leave people and things behind. I came out on the other end and here’s what I learned; I learned that if I take my practice one heartbeat at a time that I’ll be more than ok. I learned that my body needs to stay active to keep my head reactive. I learned that when I get angry, or emotional that it’s ok for me to do so. It doesn’t make me any less of a human being. I’ve learned that teaching gives me a solace that was otherwise uncertain. I learned that certain hearts are meant to find each other and I’m so lucky to have found 25 hearts that for a moment in time collided with mine. These hearts may be separated for now but soon they’ll beat as one again. I’ve learned that as I watch the bridges of my past crumble to ash that light always wins in the end. So your asking, what now? Here’s the key find something you love and embrace it, only you can determine where life will take you for me it looks a little like this.
This is the life I’ve created that opens up my energy and let’s me express who I am.
This is the life that has given more opportunity than I could’ve ever imagined.
This is the life that keeps me clean and keeps me sober.
This is the life that keeps my BiPolar Depression at bay; the life that creates a sense of self that my Borderline Personality tries to invade; in this life I am not anxious or socially unconscious.
In this life I am free. I am aware. I am loved. I give love…. and I wouldn’t change this life for a second.
Episode III: coming next month